Taking back control: eustress v distress

What stories are you telling yourself?

Uncertainty is one of the most powerful stressors for human beings. How do you respond to it? With excitement? Or dread? Yes, it depends of course. A first date is pretty uncertain. So is a company merger. What's important is what chemical reactions are at work in you and the good news is that you have control over these through mindful choosing of the stories you're telling yourself.

Eustress is positive and beneficial. It's motivating and enhances high performance. It promoting personal growth in the process.  This pressure can boost focus and productivity in the way that anticipating a performance bonus might.  Excitement, adrenaline and challenge anticipated can enhance our skills and confidence.  It can drive improvements in team situations.  Efficiency and problem-solving is vital in meeting a deadline, leaving behind experience and keys for the future.  Even the nerves before a dreaded public presentation can sharpen energy and focus to give that speech.  Resilience comes when we have to admit we’re beginners and learn a new skill (rather than avoid it). Pushing ourselves builds strength and endurance.  The rewards are great. 

Eustress is short-term, manageable and leads to growth, confidence, motivation, resilience and achievement. 

Distress on the other hand is deeply negative in every sense.  It leads to anxiety, and decreased performance.  Unlike eustress, its hallmarks are worry, frustration and harm  It leads to mental and physical health problems if not dealt with. 

Feeling overwhelmed, facing unrealistic deadlines, struggling with debt or the fear about being able to meet costs of living, interpersonal conflict, burn-out, emotional pain, legal troubles, feeling lost or hopeless about life direction or the fear of judgement or rejection in either work or social situations.  These are all uncertain and seemingly uncontrollable situations where unresourceful stories are at work.

Stories Told Repeatedly Entering Situations and Seasons = STRESS

So is it as simple as changing the story?  Believe it or not, often it is, which is where mentors, therapists, coaches and spiritual directors earn their keep.  Where else are you and your challenges the sole focus of a confidential audience, trained to use a particular lens, who keeps company with you over a long period of time, who knows you, to whom you need not explain your backstory. 

Choosing which of these practitioners you need is less important than that you have a professional someone you can trust, knowing you can lean in and lean in hard sometimes on a person who will empower you appropriately.  All of these practitioners should have supervisors and their own version of what it is they offer to others.  All of them have professional bodies and training organisations you can use to find someone, or to report safeguarding. 

Living without stress is like a balloon without air.  Living for an extended period with eustress is like over-inflating the balloon.   I've been there. You probably have too. Maybe you are right now, so I hope something above has encouraged you that you can help yourself right now, or seek it.

Detail of an work in progress by Eleanor Jane Campion entitled "Eve"